Any of you involved in any illegal activity? Cause I could sure go for some. Homer: (Wearing an FBI listening device.) Hey, see you're watching the ball game. Burns: ( Pointing to a display case) Oh, you'll find this amusing: the suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in. Homer: We better do what he says!įBI Agent: They'll be back. Turn back immediately or we will be unable to prosecute you. I say we just act snooty to Americans for ever.įBI Agent: Attention, fugitives. Should we complain to someone? Frenchman 2: No. And for what? Aid to ungrateful foreigners, do-nothing nuclear missiles, tomb polish for some unknown soldier.įrenchman 1: Well, this is a kick in the knickers. Every year you make hardworking Joes like my reporter friend pay income taxes. Burns: I'm not the thief the government is. Burns: That intrepid lad is my great-grandfather,ğranklin Jefferson Burns, tossing that without a care for what the caffeine would do to the Finway Flounder. Homer: Does this make me look fat? Lisa: No, it makes you look like a tool of government oppression. Homer: You don't know how big the government is. Homer: Walk?! That wasn't part of the deal! Homer: I can't go to prison! They pee in a cup and throw it on you! I saw it in a movie! FBI Agent: You won't be seeing any prison movies where you're going: prison!įBI Agent: Let's take a walk. Moe: Hey, how did they finger Charlie? Somebody must've ratted him out! Homer: Oh, that's ridiculous, Moe. You mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush? Homer: Barney?! That was me! And I'd do it again. Carl: You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement? Barney: Or that telemarketing scam you pulled? Homer: Uh, like those.

But first I need to hear about some other crimes to get me fired up. Lenny? Lenny: You saying you want to commit a crime, Homer? Homer: Maybe. Homer: Any of you involved in any illegal activity? 'Cause I could sure go for some! FBI Agent: (shocked at his blatant methods) Oh, God! Homer: How about you, Lenny? Testing, testing. Homer: Marge, how many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count, I'll just estimate. Homer: ( Filling out his tax return) Okay, Marge, if anybody asks, you require 24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people and Bart was wounded in Vietnam. Homer: ( Running a stoplight) If I don't see it, it's not illegal! Homer: Shut up, shut up! If I don't hear you, it's not illegal! Homer: It's hard to believe there's a place worse than America, but we found it. This fog is so thick I can't see my own cataracts. Burns: Oppression and harassment are a small price to pay to live in the land of the free. Milhouse: ( Posing shirtless while photographing himself) My shirt fell off. Todd: Daddy, what do taxes pay for? Ned: Why, everything! Policemen, trees, sunshine, and let's not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God bless 'em. The harder you push, the faster we will all get out of here. Yeah Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown.Homer: Would you look at those morons? I paid my taxes over a year ago!Ĭhief Wiggum: Alright, people, listen up. The judge, the jury, my lawyer, everybody!. I was pretty nervous so I used a little trick. So the next time somebody tells you carnie folk are good honest people.

You should always drink to enhance you social skills. It's called Greasy Joe's Bottomless Barbeque Pit! Oooh, I can still taste the sauce between my fingers and are you read for this? It's all you can eat!.

That's one of those deals where they close the bars, isn't it?Īll I wanted to tell you about was this new barbeque joint.

You know, this apartment complex caters to upscale young singles like me. If you get hungry in the middle of the night, there's an open beer in the fridge.

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